I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Randomize
