Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
