I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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