ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
