the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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