I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
