What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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