I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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