hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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