a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
