Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think I died a long time ago.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
