just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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