can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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