this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
