just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
