we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
