Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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