walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
