Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
