I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
