Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have aggressive nipples.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
