hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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