Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
