he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
