if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
