i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
