i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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