I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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