Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
