I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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