Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
