I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
