I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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