im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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