I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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