You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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