yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
