Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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