so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
