this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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