we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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