um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The Olympian is in my bed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
