2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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