wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't motorboat a personality
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
