hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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