the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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