Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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