its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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