remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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