If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.