I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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