Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
