My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time