haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
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my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals