You're so nebulous sometimes
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.