She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder