I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......