god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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