I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
