I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you guys were way drunker than both of me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We have so much sex to catch up on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
