Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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