Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
