worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
