He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
