i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
