arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
