Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
