did you get engaged???
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
