Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
